glass half full

Question….

When one is faced with a financial situation that prevents you from even visiting your favourite cafe for a coffee (see where my priorities lie….) what do you do?

Answer….

You plug in your ipod and go for it (warning - please click on the link forewarned that towards the end, the song contains much swearing!!!)

Who needs money anyway???

xo

26th june

a lovely day spent refilling my battered soul, worth sharing in images…..

first light

not quite ready to wake

shuffling, sorting, filing

Perhaps it’s the wind, the gusty, unrelentless wind that’s been blowing with all its might ALL night. Or perhaps it’s the sorting of “stuff” (fondly??? known as stuff, though in reality it’s piles and piles and piles and boxes and boxes of seemingly neverending papers and things that once belonged to others) that I’ve been trying to chip away at for the past 2 years. I’ve posted before, many times, about my attempts to get through all the stuff that I inherited when mum died all that long, long 4 years and 9 months ago.

This month really seems to have been a month of organising for me. Physically and metaphorically.

I’ve been awake here for hours. Since way before it’s “normal” to wake. Since before, even, Miss Tilly asked politely to be let out for her morning ablutions. I’ve been trying desperately to fall back to sleep but that wind just keeps blowing. I keep imagining trees falling on our roof and thoughts with no rhyme nor reason skip through my head, like the leaves on the wind. This is why I blog. To get those thoughts OUT. I have no sense of committment to a daily personal journal, what’s the point? Who is my audience? With my blog though, I know there’s at least a couple of you out there who read and that’s enough for me. It’s not the need for approval, nor the need for acceptance, more just the accountability knowing that there is probably someone who comes back for more. YOU keep me writing. Thank you.

I’m sure with all this sorting too, it’s bringing up all the stuff that wakes me at odd hours.

The thoughts of that very last minute, that very last breath, in that small, pristine hospital room where I sat, knowing that Dad, Amanda and Stu were all just a room away, waiting… waiting… silently waiting. Of those wrinkled, shut down hands of hers that I keep seeing folded neatly on top of the folded-back neatly crisp white sheet, just the way I, as a nurse would have folded a dying patient’s hands and sheet. I keep seeing and feeling them in my own, full of life but no longer nursing, hands and they remind me, at odd hours of the night.

I’ve never spoken this before but those folded hands and sheet, put there by another nurse, were what I wanted to do for my mum in her last hours. As I slept in fits and starts in the patient lounge, shocked into wakefullness by the ward buzzer (you nurses out there know what I mean) at odd times, the nurses quietly went about their job, leaving me, the daughter, with nothing to do but to be woken, finally at 0630ish, by a kindly voice saying “you’d better go into your mum now”, nothing to do but be a daughter and wait, to wait for the breathing to stop. I hated being just a daughter then. I missed that moment in death when a person “goes”. There’s a moment when all spirit and life passes somewhere. Those of us who sit and wait beyond that only see what’s left and it’s in that moment of “passing” that you actually get to believe. In something. I didn’t get that moment - I was too busy asleep. So I wake now, at odd hours, waiting……

All the sorting started again recently with my “workshop folder” - just a simple white, two hole binder which is broken into three sections. One for my Mixed Media group (2nd friday of the month here ), one for half day workshops and the third for full days - you didn’t come here to read about a folder though did you??? My folder (which by the way, if lost will cause such catastrophic panic that the past month will suddenly seem so, so obsolete…) has started a flurry of activity and the little voice inside my head (what? only one??? in this gemini head, there must be more….) yells LOUDLY, “don’t stop yet, you’re nearly done….. keep going!!!”.

So, I’ve been sorting. Moving boxes, lifting piles of paper, moving my bones from a cold, cafe painted, blue concrete floor to an old wooden step stool with gardeners kneeling pad just perfect for bum comfort (thank you Amanda - it IS very useful if not in the garden!!) I’ve been sorting… bank statements, insurance stuff, birth certificates, stuff for future journalling - ahhh that’s where that LA newspaper went with all its Superbowl excitement, photos - of now but mainly of then - and oh, aren’t there some beauties there!!! There’s boxes of unopened mail, I thought I got through all of them last time, and then there’s little bits of beauty.

(ed’s note 0718am first magpie of the day…. its a miracle she can stand on her perch without being blown away this morning!!)

This little treasure is a metal pin cushion box. When I opened the lid, the contents spoke a million words.

From the top of my hand down are some of my great auntie Ena’s treasures. A copper bangle with teeny tiny stones embedded all around, a Presbyterian church badge (EA has an amazing story of life with the YWCA and the Presbyterian church which I’ll get around to telling some time soon), the beautiful mother of pearl bird brooch, another brooch with m.o.p inlay, turquoise studded gold heart shaped charm (not a locket sadly) and the E.A name tag which I can only assume was with her in the nursing home where she lived till she died. Auntie Ena was a treat. She had the best stories and told funny little ditties. Her version of mealtime “grace” always had us in fits, my all time favourite as a child was the “2,4,6,8, bog in don’t wait” version. All that special, full, full life, in one box…… wow.

I was filling in time at the shop the other day. Browsing through the “studio” edition put out by those at Cloth Paper Scissors, or Quilting Arts…. whatever, and came across what I would call a somewhat “perfect” studio. There were shelves, shelves and more shelves. Under and over work bench space and filled with boxes which in turn, I’m sure were filled with neatly organised “stuff”. My friend Mandy scoffed, “it’s too neat” she said, and she’s right. It IS too neat to be a REAL studio but I need to get to that level of neatness (if only in my head) before I can clear all this “stuff” that’s bogged me down for such a long time. So, I’m off again…. the sun is up now. When I started typing this it was dark. Dark and windy and eeeuuuuuuuuuwwwww. And COLD! I’m so, so cold that I need to start sorting….. I wonder what will come up next in the odd hours???

oh and one more thing…… check THIS out……. that’s me there, I’m a favourite!!!!

and another? this song, heard recently on an episode of Bones seems quite fitting…..

xoxoxox

bits and pieces

ahhhh blessed procrastination!

I rose early (not unusual) to sit at the computer and finish a ridiculous job that I started for the shop which after much consultation with myself, is not only ridiculous but extremely time consuming and boring!!! HOWEVER….. I HAVE committed, and I HAVE learned (again) the lesson of thinking before saying “I can do it….” and so I type each and every single stock item in the shop into a database - SIGH!

ahhhh blessed procrastination (again)….. I came here to quickly tell you about a bit of fun that I happened upon this morning. If you visit here and follow the instructions, you’ll end up with something like this…..

I don’t usually do those things, but it was really fun seeing what images came up from my search prompts - some seemed quite weird for the word I entered, like the bottom left image for example - the prompt was ‘dog’!!!! oh well, fun anyway!

and another quick thing…..

pop over here if you feel like doing a workshop in the next couple of months! see you there? the kettle will be on and there’ll be a pile of yummy bikkies to share….

xoxo

many memories

how does one put in words such a strong emotion as love for a mother? especially when those feelings are now aged and tangled with loss and grief. memories and feelings get blurred and all the bad bits forgotten

words just don’t seem to do any justice and seem unreal and so, for that reason, today, on what would have been my mum’s 67th birthday I might just share some photos with you instead. happy birthday mum….. i hope the angels are putting on a rip roaring, smash up do just for you!

(that’s dad too)

I think this last photo requires a little explanation…. it’s a pretty special one to me. Taken at the end of a LONG evening, mum was about midway through her chemo treatment. I think she had 3 or 4 hats on to keep warm (no hair you know!!) The night was a birthday celebration for Gary, his mum (who was visiting from the UK) and me - in total our 131th birthday party! Mum had enjoyed a couple (???!?!!?!?!?) of chardonnays and was off to bed next door. Not long after she had fallen asleep, she was rudely awoken by her daughter (me) and Gary to make sure that she would be the first to know of their just decided upon engagement! She was suitably pleased despite being woken from a deep sleep! The night continued….

xo

in the name of art

“family moon” is on it’s way….. earnest work has begun, adversity in the form of a freezing cold studio will hopefully blossom into a piece for exhibition in late July for the Papermakers.

For now, some images which display the lengths I’ll go to to achieve great height….

I know it’s not very clear, but that would be a licking attack of Staffy proportions!

and not content to stay on the floor, she felt that a soft, comfy cushion from which to advise the photographer would be best….

she IS oh so helpful you know!

We did get the results we were seeking…. an experiment in patience though. Normally the photographer has the image in his head that he wants to achieve but this time it was me who needed a certain image and after a bit of photoshop manipulation i nearly have it….

I’ve transferred the image using a transparency and gel medium method (quite economic as I managed to get three usable images from the one print).

I did have a bit of a play with the photographers choice too….

xo

ps did anyone else hear the magnificent rain last night?

Naked….

As my husband so diplomatically put it….”it all depends on your perception of NUDE”.

This month on the self portrait challenge site, we are being asked to post self portraits in the theme of “nude“. Hmmmm, having a photographer for a husband means that I do have a selection of tasteful images at my disposal…. some of which actually adorn (is that the right word???) the gallery wall of our library/music/computer room. A little daunting when visitors come to play, but anyhoooooo!

When I think of the word nude I think striped bare, naked and raw. I think of feeling exposed and vulnerable and not neccessarily without clothes. When I looked up the definition of NUDE though, it most definately refers to being without clothing and I guess that’s what the folk at SPC are after….. photos of tasteful nudity. So, I tried! I tried to follow all the rules and took the photo myself - do you know how stupid it feels to take a nude photo of yourself and then to sift through them to pick out the most appropriate (thank goodness for digital is all I can say!)

That done, I can now get on with the other stuff…. sometimes one just has to be a bit brave!

My artwork has all been busily chugging along inside my head of late. I seem to have found myself working at the shop alot and having no time in the studio. My regular Altered Book group (lets call it that for lack of a better name at this stage) ran again last Friday. We had a great day playing with paper monoprints - a technique that was featured in Cloth Paper Scissors quite some time ago. Then on Tuesday, my “photo transfer” workshop ran! The girls came and conquered a number of new techniques (for them) and left excited to be able to use them with their chosen media - this group seemed to be textile focussed and I expect to see a number of Sandra Meech style quilts appearing soon! Yesterday, I filled in for Cath who sadly had to have her gorgeous puss Sookie put to sleep. Sookie, despite her name, was one tough little cookie - she’ll be missed. And of course today was my normal work day so no art….. Oh my, this weekend is going to be busy in my little (freezing cold) studio!

I’ve bravely (????) gone ahead and put in a submission to exhibit in the Papermakers “its only a paper moon” exhibition at the end of July….. no doubt you’ll see the progress as it progresses!!!

Think of me braving the cold down there in my newly sorted and rearranged but not quite finished to impecable standards studio this weekend!

xo

ps does anyone have any helpful hints for walking a staffy that thinks she needs to pull me along like she’s a reindeer or a sled dog in a race? I’ve tried to tell her its not Christmas and it doesn’t seem to work much….

a birthday of favourite things….

Mutual admiration society

This is the earliest photo I can find of me, the earliest that is clearly dated on the back, in my mum’s handwriting, I was eighteen days old. I love this one - the stripy red blinds in the background, the “old” bottle and the matching red and white striped mat on the bench. And most of all, dad’s smile….. wow, I was adored!

My birthday has been lovely - thank you for all my lovely msgs and phone calls and for this funny video, from my far away friend…

I woke up thinking of favourite things and remembered very fondly birthday afternoon teas with my grandma. I can’t find a photo, but Grandma used to buy me a beautiful dress each year, generally bought from “Georges”, and would dress me up in shiny black patent leather shoes and take me, by tram to the Windsor Hotel in Spring Street Melbourne for Afternoon Tea. I remember the tea trolley, the sound of it being wheeled towards our table, the cake stand stacked high with delicacies such as fruit custard tarts and lamingtons. I remember having a penchant for strawberry tarts! Every year it was Grandma’s treat. I’d love to go back there again….. sigh

They don’t look like much, but boy are they my favourites!!! Hand knitted by my great grandfather and lovingly folded into grandma’s then mum’s knickers draw…. I love them so much I can’t keep them folded and unworn and if you look carefully at the toe area of the sock on the right hand side, you’ll see that I even taught myself the ancient art of darning, and have repaired them once (I know, they need another fixing!!!! - the bottoms are worse….) These socks, and another pair I have, are the WARMEST, most comfortable socks ever. I’m a boot-wearing girl so the fact that I have them on, under the finest of fine clothing (those who know me well will conjure pictures only of jeans at this point!!!) will not offend anyone. I wear them everywhere! Don’t feel pity…. I have a million and one other pairs of perfectly fine socks in my drawers, just none so comfy!

Tim Winton is another favourite. That man can write….. oh boy! I started with “Cloudstreet” way back when I lived in Fremantle (which by the way is where Tim lives with his family) and can’t get enough. Tim writes literature. Not just any old read, his books take you along for the most descriptive “australian” ride. I’m lusting after his new book, can’t wait to get my grimy little hands on a copy… (all my other Tim Winton books are in a box - todays job…..)

If only I could find my beautiful pearls that I know I have put somewhere safe…. When asked “diamonds or pearls”, I will always answer without hesitation PEARLS….

And some favourite friends. Thank you all for sharing my birthday with me.

Mandy and Baby (Shanti) (beautiful photo by Gary)

Miss Molly

Sarah and Jordan (another beautiful photo by Gary)

and Hooper, clearly enjoying his Babycino…. as usual!

And of course, my Gary….

It’s not just me who likes the look of the Dromana pier in my photos…. How nice to have a wedding shoot to watch on my birthday!!!

As my birthday falls on the last day of Autumn, I insisted on meeting the sunset once more this year. Gary and I sat and watched as the last autumn sun dropped down below the horizon, making it’s way to you on the other side, to warm you for another day while we rest our weary birthday heads!

xoxoxo

last day of 35

35 has been great. I’ve loved every minute of it. Every minute, even the bad minutes cos we all know that life is not life unless there are bad bits. I have just learnt, another year on, to deal a little better with the bad bits and I hope I’ve grown from them.

On this last day of 35, I’ve got some more AMAZING Dromana autumn sunsets to share. Autumn is definately my favourite season. Living here on the Mornington Peninsula, a block from the bay, Autumn is so, so beautiful. The water is mirror calm, flat as glass and it’s at it’s best for dolphin visitors. As I stood and snapped away this evening, I hoped for a dolphin or two…. By the time I finish work and get down to the water to take photos though, they’ve generally done their rounds of the Bay and are gone, somewhere else for the night. Maybe tomorrow for my birthday and for the last autumn day for this year….

I love incorporating the pier into my photos - it gives great line!!! Just ask Gary…. Gary’s my husband!! Three of his pier photos adorne the walls of the Two Buoys cafe in Dromana (if they had a website, I’d link it…. fantastic fare!)

And then there’s the artwork…..

Practising faces has become a thing for me since I did Misty’s self portrait class at the retreat. In the past I have tried so hard to make my faces a picture perfect, mirror image of, …well…., me I spose, or of the photo that I’m looking at in a magazine. But, last night, with gessoed calico taped to the table, I pulled out a 2b pencil and drew a couple of lines. There was a photo up on the wall in the living area near where I was sitting (at our poor, long suffering dining room table - who needs space to eat anyway????) that I referred to for face shape etc but, not once did I get up and study it intensely. This face had a life of its own, and it really just came out of nowhere! She’s not a mirror image of anyone I know (thank goodness cos really, I’d be concerned!!! She has terrible skin problems, she should book in to see a dermatologist…..) and I think she may have had a broken nose somewhere along the way….. BUT she’s mine!! She has a personality and I’m happy with her! That’s what counts!

And the following is the textile piece I referred to in yesterdays post. When I look at it closely, there are definate elements of Misty and Traci in it. I feel “informed” by them but again, I’m happy to call it my own piece of work (which still remains unfinished of course!!).

A bit of stitchery and the “just right” binding, a couple of dangly bits and that should just about do it I’d say! What do you think?

xoxo

ps I’ve posted lots of photos today. I felt it was okay to do so cos beautiful Katie did it yesterday! If you haven’t gone already, go visit her blog and tell her which is your favourite zoo shot. I can’t quite decide which one mine is - its a toss up between the “pussy cat” paw and the giraffes…..

pps another tripper tune for mandy….

and the prize for best sunset goes to…..

I just love the autumn sunsets….. I know I’ve said it all before and I’m sure it gets boring BUT seriously, how good are they???  And….. autumn is nearly over so I may as well make the most…..

Looking out across Port Phillip Bay to Geelong from Dromana Pier - aren’t the colours SPECTACULAR??  Who needs a television?

I’ve been busy at work today, unpacking boxes of goodies and sorting beautiful buttons that we’ve just received on consignment…. old fashioned, big buttons, still attached to the cards.  I answered a million and one phone calls and helped nearly as many customers with their art related questions (as this is my blog, I am allowed to use artistic license and exaggeration you know!!), I fixed up messy systems (phew, the contents of the green workshop folder no longer fall on the floor when you pick it up) and I bound up some workshop samples for an upcoming workshop of mine.  I was busy!  My point here is that I was so busy that I didn’t have time to even think about the piece of gessoed fabric that was sitting here at home, taking its precious time to dry….. I didn’t have time to think about how impatient I am and wonder how I could get around the two day wait for the gesso texture to dry sufficiently so that I can set to with paint and scraper, with image and gel medium to create another sample for my decorative papers and fabrics workshop in June.  NO, not a moment to think about it……  You too will have to wait for it to dry, for me to finish it, to photograph it and then to post it here on my blog!!! Patient? NO WAY!  I’m going to play NOW!

Some music while you wait……

xoxo